Practicing Polyamory

“Can I ask you a question about being in an ‘open’ marriage?”

After the millionth time of answering questions from salivating dudebros on OKC wanting to know all the tabloidesque details of my “open marriage”, I penned this to one of those dudebros. And, fukkit, I’m feeling like I want to tell this shit at the world tonight.

We opened our marriage after we’d been married for 10 years. For me, it’s not about who satisfies me best. It’s not a competition. Every person you’re with brings something unique. Why compare them vs each other? Why not accept and embrace experiences on their own merits? That’s what being poly is for us. We love each other tremendously. But there’s no reason love has to be limited. Let it be unlimited. Let it abound. Have a bigger family with more love and more support and more ideas and more affection.

Is my marriage better off? Overall, yes. The transition wasn’t perfectly smooth. We both made mistakes in considering one another. Bashing through a lifetime’s narrative that there is One True Love (or at the very least One True Love at a time) isn’t easy.

No. I don’t think marriage has an expiration date.

____Jay____: Here are links to some poly writings cross posted from my blog.

Poly 101 – The Book List:
https://fetlife.com/users/45527/posts/2320466

Poly 101 – Communication – Part 1:
https://fetlife.com/users/45527/posts/2375197

Poly 101 – Communication – Part 2:
https://fetlife.com/users/45527/posts/2391329

I hope they prove useful.

“Seatbelts for polyamory, why we need rules.”

https://fetlife.com/users/1042276/posts/2407424

http://emmfett.blogspot.com/2014/08/no-okcupid-it-i…

And this comment-
The difference between a rule and a pre-agreed set of behaviors meant to avoid certain consequences does not appear to be much of a difference at all. …
In my experience, there isn’t much of a difference until someone actually breaks or challenges the rule. Then the difference is kind of huge. When you break a rule, you betray the other person or the relationship. In the aftermath, there is a clear moral victor, and there is a clear power differential. The “thumb on the scale,” the “just in case,” I believe speaks to this power differential. In case of emergency, let’s be really really clear who is wrong. In other words when you do something hurtful or disruptive, I need shame on my side in order to bring you back.

I believe that people who fight for rules instinctively feel a need to have this this power differential in place, and I expect it comes from a sense of personal powerlessness in most cases. Unfortunately, I agree that this kind of power differential, combined with shame, creates a fertile ground for abuse. However, in a “consequence”-based relationship, there is still a fundamental respect for the other person’s right and ability to make their own decisions. Even if those decisions are shitty or hurtful.

I believe that keeping this fundamental respect in place makes a huge difference in how the situation is resolved and the extent to which we treat each other as human beings, even if the result is the end of the relationship in either case.

On this post
http://www.morethantwo.com/blog/2014/08/rules-why-w…

Things that make poly easier
Thoughts on poly – Jealousy

From K+P

A unicorn’s rant by onion_switcheroo

We are NOT fucking robots! We’re not here to fulfill your fantasy. We’re not here to help you complete your bucket list. No, we don’t want to help your friend figure out if she’s bi or not. No, we wont do that one thing with you simply because your partner wont and you want try it. What ever happened to having a little courtesy and respect? What ever happened to letting things evolve organically? What about simply focusing on getting to know us for who we are and not what box we can help you check off? Where are your manners? Stop it already!!

…

Stop hunting me! Try actually getting to know me instead. After all, if you won’t bother to get to know me, I won’t bother fucking you.

(Stomps off across the field and into the woods)

Barrier protection: condom use in the poly community

From K+P

I Am a Slut and These Are My Rules of Engagement by CantankerousLove

I live with a premise that life is full of unbelievable beauty, undiscovered possibilities, unexpected connections, thrilling energies, mind-blowing sensations, and wondrous surprises. I love exploring it, tasting it, and living it to the fullest.

I am proud to be a polyamorous, dirty, sex-driven slut. I love diversity and adventure. I am attracted to people who are unique, eccentric, and maybe even a little dark and crazy – in a good way.

I enjoy playing, spending time with, and having sex with multiple partners. I love many and I love being loved by many.

I deeply cherish each relationship I am in.

While I enjoy casual sex on occasion, I have strong preference for romance, dedication, closeness, and commitment. Intimacy is wonderful and incredibly arousing to me.

She continues…

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