Negotiation Presentation Recommended Reading List

Negotiation: Figuring Out What You Want and How to Get It


Recommended Reading

Please keep in mind that all of these books and articles were written by fallible human beings, each with their own background and biases. Do not take any one book, website, or article as being The Truth: read widely, think critically, experiment carefully, and make up your own mind about what works for you.

Some Classic Books That Everyone Recommends

  • Easton, Dossie, and Janet W. Hardy. The New Bottoming Book. Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 2003.
  • Easton, Dossie, and Janet W. Hardy. The New Topping Book. Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 2001.
  • Miller, Phillip, and Molly Devon. Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism. Fairfield, CT: Mystic Rose Books, 1995.
  • Warren, John, and Libby Warren. The Loving Dominant. Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 2008.
  • Wiseman, Jay. SM 101: A Realistic Introduction. Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 1998.

One Classic Book That I Don’t Recommend, and Why

  • Brame, William, and Gloria Brame. Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission. Villard, 1996. I strongly disagree with this book’s assertion that all BDSM is “really” about dominance and submission.

A Few Sample Checklists

Not a checklist

  • Not a checklist by Tornus. This isn’t an activities list, but a series of questions about the bottom’s underlying desires and needs.

Some Expansions on Win-Win Negotiating

Finally, Two Websites with Articles on BDSM-Specific Negotiation

  • Leather and Roses has more than a dozen articles on different aspects of negotiation. Click on Enter, then on General BDSM / Sex, and then on Negotiation.
  • Steel Door Scrolls, and scroll down the alphabetical list to “Negotiate.”

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