I’ve never been drawn to the ‘Knight in Shining Armour’ or the ‘Prince Charming’. I’m much happier in the company of Dragons, or one Dragon in particular, I should say.
So while I can’t compile a list of traits that a Dragon, or indeed a Dom should have: I can compile a list of the traits my Dragon has that are so beguiling and important to me.
These are the reasons I love him and why our dynamic works so well for us…
1. He makes me feel safe:
Focus: When we play he is totally focused on me (look through any of the photos of us playing and you can see that concentration and focus). He may be an exhibitionist and showman, but he only indulges that trait to set the scene. Once it’s underway, it’s all about ‘us’ and the rest of the world disappears.
Listening: I mean really listening, with his eyes as well as his ears. He listens to what I say, what I don’t say, how I move, stand and look at him. This means he’s aware of my fears, both rational and irrational and he accepts and attempts to understand both (nb: This is not telepathy, this is conscious observation and consistent, open communication.)
Confidence: He is secure enough to admit he doesn’t know everything and is happy to stop and ask for directions. If we plan to try something new, he will actively seek out more experienced individuals and ask for their advice, help and assistance.
2.) He makes me feel secure (I see this as distinct from ‘safe’. Safe is about the physical, secure is more about the emotional).
Tactile: Something as simple as taking my arm, or stroking my neck. Spontaneous and at times, unconscious gestures of both affection and ownership.
Open: From public displays of affection to love notes both private and posted on Fet. I’ve never met anyone who has so consistently declared his feelings for me in such a demonstrative fashion.
Sharing He will talk about the mundane elements of life. How he’s feeling, anything he’s proud of, or worried about. So I don’t fear getting ‘blindsided’ by something I wasn’t aware of. And on the flip side, he will listen (without judgement) to my general ramblings, thoughts and concerns. And remembers them.
Placing importance on the little things: Our time together can be limited, but when we have time he’ll make the trip over just to have a coffee if that’s all we can manage. Giving the little things as much importance as the ‘events’ or nights together, gives the relationship a depth that makes it so much stronger.
Space: I’m not always the easiest person and at times I struggle with the world around me and the social aspects of life. He understands that I just need space away from everyone, and he gives me that, without making me feel guilty, or vanishing entirely. He knows when to push me and when to back off.
He makes me feel wanted, desired, appreciated.
Simply by the way he looks at me, the way he smiles when he sees me. The sheer delight he takes in my reactions and the raw passion displayed when he fucks me.
None of this happened overnight. Our dance started with simple steps (and the occasional bruised toe.) But we have learned, grown and evolved – and I have no doubt we will continue to do so.
Because of all this…
- I feel so incredibly lucky that it scares me at times.
- I love him more than he will ever realise.
- I want to make him happy
- I want to make him proud
- I feel able to push boundaries and face demons
- I work harder to communicate my needs and to understand his.
- And while I might be a terrible sub, I genuinely want to do better.
In short, he makes me want to be a better person. The best version of me I can be. I want to be worthy of this extraordinary man.