Immediacy is Not Intimacy!


I’m not a patient person. I don’t have any problem admitting that to you. When I really want something, I don’t want to wait for it. My mindset is that I’m going to take what I want and I’m going to make it mine. But immediacy doesn’t make it intimate. I think that’s what a large majority of people simply don’t understand. You can’t create intimacy just because someone is readily available.

The problem is we don’t always reach a level of significant intimacy because we trade the ultimate for the immediate.

There are 8,760 hours in a year. I’ve done the math (don’t worry, I used a calculator, and by calculator, I mean Google). That’s a short amount of time to truly invest in someone and gain serious insight in to their life. Most of us have a primal craving to be truly known by someone before we die. That type of fulfillment only occurs over time. Spend it wisely.

You can’t speed up that process. Trust is perhaps the biggest part of intimacy and demanding it immediately doesn’t exactly incite feelings of safety. As those precious seconds tick away, trust is collecting interest, and will ultimately pay dividends in the form of crumbling walls of fear. Plunging in to new experiences is vital to our development as human beings but we need to allow space for those experiences to take root. Time is essential for processing the new feelings we’re experiencing.

Your desire for immediate intimacy is like wanting exquisite cuisine without the necessary effort to make it. It’s like longing to enjoy the sun without enduring the rain. It’s the ambition of finishing a marathon without training. It’s the aspiration to build a fire without striking a match.

Intimacy is impossible without an investment.

You don’t have to be a prisoner to time. Enjoy it. If you want to own her, invest with the resources at your disposal. Time, energy, and desire are your currency. There is no lottery when it comes to intimacy- you aren’t striking it rich over night. A deep level of intimacy has a price and the price is totally worth it.

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