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The Debilitating Pain of Being Adrift

from Feel Me Breathe Blog

Awesome Blog article that I just had to share.  A long read but definitely worth it.

Starvation is something we can see.  The cheeks hollow and become sunken.  Sad eyes peer back at you from a skeletal form.  But starvation of the soul is not as easy to see.  A true slave needs to serve.  It is the air they breathe, it is the sustenance of their soul and without it, they wither, starving as surely as any other unfed creature.

For the true slave, Slavery is not a lifestyle, it is an orientation.  What is the difference?  Glad you asked.  A lifestyle is a choice.  An orientation is what you are born into.  Ask  yourself: Did you always feel this way, or did you choose to be like this?

Slaves, as a child, did you watch how cool batman was, as he swung into action or did you watch his butler?  The slaves to be, observed “Alfred”  They saw how he how he stood, how he carried himself, how he served without question or love, and yet contributed in a strong and practiced way.  They watched with awe and wonder at how important he was to Bruce Wayne. They dreamed, one day I will server the Master like THAT!  If you are a slave, perhaps your hero was someone else, but you knew, deep down inside, at a very early age that you were different.  So here you are, some years later, knowing what you are.   It shapes your life.  Moments are defined by the joy you feel in service.

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I don’t have to be a slave to see this.  It is as plain as the breaths you take.  There are few things more sad, more lonely, more suffering, than a slave without a sense of purpose.  And that can be with or without an owner.  A slave between Masters can be like a rudderless ship adrift in debilitating waters, starving for that which feeds their soul.  What is the value of a thing if no one wants it?  The abandoned toy, left to misuse atop a pile of junk, has no feelings.  But unlike that toy, a slave has very real feelings.  A sense of being unwanted, unneeded, and cast aside, can crush a person who identifies as a slave.  But a slave WITH a Master, is not without its own pitfalls and pains. In Blog 1, we talked about how completing a Master’s task can be a bad thing for a slave. A task, is a chance to be commanded, it is a time when a slave’s life has meaning, purpose and joy.  But we Masters need not cast our property aside, to leave them adrift.

Masters, heed my words.  The time between commands is not a good thing.  It is a time when your garden goes untended.  It is a time when weeds spring up in the mind of your slave.  It is a time when the devil of idle hands stitches painful threads across their emotional safety blanket.  Be mindful of this need and nurture it.   As owners, we should crave command, and when there is an issue we should be more involved, not less.  Don’t be the Master who forgets to command.

Slaves, there are those moments, between commands, between contact with Master, when life can feel adrift and without purpose.  And its not just simple pain.  No!  Having surrendered so much, you have let down the walls that protect you from another.  Your defenses have been ground into rubble beneath your feet, you are now left with nothing, absolutely nothing, shielding you from the intensity of these moments.  It is Owner, Master, Mistress that now protects and warms your heart.

It is not hard, even for a Master to understand.  What let’s you live, what makes you feel alive, is that connection to the Master you serve.  But that is just words.  Nothing can  truly express the depth of your joy, and sometimes your pain.  Oh!, I know from the struggle it took to bring you to this place, and how deep it runs.  When parts of the slave fought to hold on, I was there.  But having surrendered, there is nothing left to stand in the way.  At a command, your heart leaps with joy.  This is where we both want to be.

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Masters, understand that your slave craves these moments of purpose and direction, but they will not nag you or be a burden.  Instead, a little war arises inside, a place of emptiness that needs to be filled, and a creeping desire to do something to fill that void.  They can not demand, only wait, and that wait seems to go on and on.  And then the questions start.. Did I displease Master?  Has Master lost interest in me?  What did I do to deserve this?  What can I do to have Master command me again?

Masters, having built it, you can not just walk away, you MUST get more involved with your slave and acquire the tools of knowledge.  Slave do not always see what you do to shape them, to make your will their own.  Help them realize all that you do, to make them yours.  A dear friend suggests that the slave find five things each day, that their owner did for them.  It is easy to not see these things, and the exercise is useful.

Masters, if you have no need, then create a command for something you do not need.  Never confuse your need for theirs.  Remember that service does not have to have a purpose, rather service provides purpose.  Its subtle.  Try to see and remember.

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Slaves, having given all that you are, you must not take back the walls, you MUST build your network of support, sisters and brothers of the collar, who can help you get through and share in your joy.  You should never feel alone AND adrift.  Your brothers and sisters can help sustain your through.

Slaves, it is easy to think the Master has done little for you.  But an owner does not always do for you in obvious ways.  When an owner takes the time to command, to cajole, to guide, nurture and love a slave, they are actively engaged.  Take the time each day to find five things your owner did today and cherish them.  It shouldn’t be hard if you give it thought.

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If you desire a relationship based on the exchange of power, and you build it, it will be real.  The unbridled joy at being who you really are, at your core, as you always knew you needed to be, is worth the effort.  If executed honorably, D/s is a home for the heart like no other. If founded with honesty, and built with trust, and entered into with a sincere desire to serve other, each according to their sacred role, no nilla relationship can compare. Tend to your garden, and it will bear glorious fruit.