I stepped out of the shower, determined to leave in a reasonable amount of time.
A tide of nervous anxiety being held behind a wall of determination, I finished preparing. Nothing incredible, a simple stock of various things. Grabbing my jacket and keys i stepped out to my car, taking another deep breath before turning the key, staring anxiously at the directions clutched in uncertain hands.
Driving was an easy antidote to re-focus myself from the increasing amount of nerves and general uncertainty of what I was about to do. That changed as i drew closer to my destination. The tide grew and pulsed in my brain, making certain that i knew how many second thoughts could crush my moment of bravery in an instant.
But I pressed on, arriving in the parking lot with a sigh of relief, the easy part at least was over. Eyeing the restaurant carefully i sat for a few minutes debating with myself the merits of my decision to come. With a quick jab not unlike a needle stick or the moment when you leap into some icy water source, I pressed my way for what seemed like miles through the tiny parking lot and into the door.
Instantly as i stepped in the dam broke and i became the same nervous wreck i usually am, shaking slightly my hear pounded loud enough to make its sing song trial of decision making an audible chorus of flight requests. My feet wanted to carry me back to the car as quickly as they possibly could, make great haste they screamed!
Clutching myself internally I compromised for simply heading into the bathroom, pep talking myself in the mirror, slowly taking stock of how much i had put into getting here, finally escaping into the real world. I exited the bathroom only slightly less nervous than before. The leap came quickly a moment of silence between jump and fall, between flight and crash.
Quickly i found myself seated and being introduced to people, slowly acclimating to the idea of staying and meeting others, the jovial and generally fantastic nature of the other attendees made staying an easy decision. The bravest thing i have ever done, was simply taking that leap.
And to the attendees of this saturdays munch i want to say a personal thank you for making my first venture into this outside of online an absolutely stellar experience. I didn't get to introduce myself to everyone or meet all the people there, the group was larger than i had envisioned. For that i apologize. Its never my intention to snub or otherwise ignore anyone, i'm simply a socially awkward guy who's not very good in new situations.