10 things I’ve learned about being a sub that i wish I’d known 5 years ago

by loftnc@gmail.com

1. Submission isn’t as easy as it looks. There is so much more to submitting than knowing how to cook, clean, and follow directions. You will have to let go of the ego and make many emotional and physical sacrifices. It’s not all about kinky fuckery. It’s about always being at your best, willing and available for your Dom. There is no place for laziness or selfishness.

2. Not all Dom’s want a mindless drone. Quite often they prefer someone who can stimulate them mentally as well as physically. Being able to respectfully speak up for yourself and contribute to the conversation is a good thing.

3. Not all Dom’s are good people. Never trust blindly, listen to your inner voice, maintain self preservation, and follow your instincts. If something feels wrong, it probably is.

4. Never compromise who you are in order to gain the attention of a Dom. Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t, good or bad. Living a lie is hard to maintain, true colors will shine though eventually.

5. Don’t use BDSM in place of actual mental health therapy, Dom’s are not professional counselors. Although, a good scene can be helpful in releasing pent up emotions, which may bring you to a greater sense of calm, it won’t fix your deeper issues. Yes, sometimes we do need to be fixed on a fundamental level.

6. Don’t let anyone outside your dynamic define who you are or how you identify. Names and titles are not important, it’s how you feel at your core that matters. No one can take that away from you.

7. You can be a strong, secure, and independent woman AND need the control of a Dom in your life. Strength and submission do go hand in hand, being able to understand or accept this does not make you a super sub.

8. Sometimes, finding yourself takes time. It’s not a race or a competition. It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. Don’t let anyone force your submission, including yourself. Not everyone is meant to be a sub.

9. Always hold yourself accountable for your words, actions, and emotions. Even if you are under the control of a Dom, you are responsible for who you are in the end. That being said, remember, you are a direct reflection of your Dom, don’t do or say things that would make Him look bad in the eyes of others.

10. As with all areas of your life, it’s about balance. Even in full time D/s relationships, there has to be some degree of balance with your “vanilla” world. Always keep your priorities in order. Family first, work second and your Dom a close third. Part of balance is taking care of yourself, you need to stay in good mental and physical shape in order to reach optimal usefulness.

For those interested in any counter points…here is the link to a companion piece.

Original post

You may also like