10 Things I’ve learned about being a Dom, that I wish I had known 5 years ago

by loftnc@gmail.com

1. Dominating isn’t as easy as it looks. There’s much more to it than just sternly giving out orders. You should really be capable of doing the things you command your sub to do. No task is beneath you. There is a lot of responsibility placed on you when you control the life of another.

2. Not all subs want to be a mindless drone. Most want to be challenged and are often very task driven. They are typically very intelligent and successful, respect that.

3. Not all subs are good people. Some will come into a relationship with ulterior motives. Don’t let their good looks, boobs, and charming personalities fool you into doing things that go against your better judgment.

4. Never compromise who you are in order to get a subs attention. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not, good or bad. Misrepresenting yourself is a form of lying, a lying Dom is not a trusted Dom.

5. Don’t use BDSM to try and “fix” a subs severe mental illness or heal past traumas. You are not a licensed therapist. However, pushing a sub to the point of emotional release in a controlled environment can be a very good thing. Keep in mind, once you get her to that point of release, you are responsible for seeing it through until she recovers.

6. Don’t let anyone outside your dynamic define who you are or how you identify. If you are your sub’s Master, then you are her Master and no one can take that from you. However, that doesn’t make you Master to any random s-type in the community. Those that you do not control, owe you nothing. Trust and respect are earned when deserved.

7. You can be strong, self sufficient, and goal driven AND have a sub (or two, if you like). You should never abuse your control or take advantage of a sub’s submission. You must Master yourself before you can Master another.

8. Finding yourself takes time. It’s not a race, not a competition. It’s not about the splash, it’s about the ride.

9. Always hold yourself accountable for your words, actions, and emotions. Being in control of yourself is essential in building trust with a sub. Own your mistakes, learn from them. Remember, a sub will reflect your qualities, give them good positive ones to work with.

10. As with all areas of your life, it’s about balance. No matter who or how many subs you have, you must take care of yourself as well. Being in good mental and physical health is needed in order to provide the essential support to others.

Here is a companion piece.

Original post

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