10 Key Qualities for an Exceptional Dom
Posted by Master Arcane February-6-2009
An excellent Dom buddy of mine wrote me to ask what I thought were the 10 Essential Qualities of a Fine Dom. In my estimation, these are Ten Essential Traits that any existing or prospective Dom needs to appreciate.
These do not necessarily have to be fully developed qualities within the prospective Dom, but they should at the very least be qualities that any Dom, new or experienced, values and seeks to perfect as part of the Art of Domination in my honest opinion….Enjoy.
1 ) RESPONSIBILITYA Dom MUST appreciate the singular quality of RESPONSIBILITY above and beyond all other qualities. This is because a Dom will be responsible for the Well-Being, Safety, Development, Conscientious Training, and Evolution of their submissive or slave, as well as the overall direction of the D/s Relationship. I genuinely consider this the Make-Or-Break quality of Domination. If a person does not want to be Responsible for the well being of their slave, they should not be a Dom.
2 ) DILIGENCEA Dom cannot be lazy in their responsibilities. Diligence means following through on a course of training, paying attention to the evolution of the submissive, calling a submissive’s bluff, being unafraid to confront a submissive on any area where the submissive is being lazy, continuously and conscientiously creating pathways for growth and evolution for the slave, and being unafraid to confront deep issues in a methodical and healthy manner to achieve resolution within a healthy D/s Relationship. Diligence means that as a person the Dom is prepared to work on their own evolution at least twice as hard as they will ever work on their slave’s evolution. As a Dom, Diligence means pushing yourself to be The Best Dom that you can possibly be.
3 ) ARTISTIC NATUREWhat we as Doms do IS very much AN ART FORM. As such we need to approach D/s as something that is Creative, Fun, Inspiring, Playful, and above all, Something To Forever Perfect and Become Better At. There is NO Upper Limit to how high a Dom can achieve within themself, or within their D/s Relationship. There are ALWAYS new avenues to explore within BDSM and D/s, and new ways to improve ourselves as Doms. The ENEMY of Art is EGO, and as such it is ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE that a Dom seeking the FINEST LEVELS of D/s must ABANDON their Ego to take on the much higher reality of Seeking – and Attaining – The ART. The Artistic Nature of the Dom also entails understanding one’s own Sensitivity, the way a painter can see subtle variations in color and texture to sense where the next brush stroke must go, or the way a pianist can sense the exact degree of force or lightness each chord must have to create the perfect music.
4 ) KINDNESSAlthough we may be strict as Doms, and even seem cruel at times, at our hearts we must have a center of Kindness. It is through kindness that we find the true desire to see our submissive’s Evolve and grow into higher beings themselves. Kindness tempers the incredible strictness we are capable of using, and although we hold both the power of Mercy as well as the power of Severity, it is through a Kind Heart that we will truly attain that unique quality of beneficence that makes for a fine Leader, which is who we must be to our submissive.
5 ) COMMUNICATORSWe have the responsibility as Doms to be EXCELLENT COMMUNICATORS. We must never depend on the submissive to be the one to communicate the best in areas of conflict, and in fact we must be so good at communication – clearly expressing our thoughts, emotions, desires, fantasies, and feelings – that We as Doms literally become the inspiration for the submissive to improve their own Communication Skills.
6 ) LEVEL-HEADEDNESSWe may become angry at a submissive for any number of reasons, but it is our task to help the submissive understand where they transgressed and apply a delicately matched correction for the transgression. We must remain Level-Headed so that our submissive’s correction is never too little and never too much. We remain keenly aware of that fine line wherein we sense in our calm state the beauty of a correction that perfectly matches the transgression, while at the same time bringing about Understanding within the submissive of the nature of the transgression and how they can improve for the future. Level-Headedness also means seeing your submissive for Who They Are, respecting their limits and where they want to expand their limits, accurately perceiving their talents, and working with what you have been given in the initial form of your submissive. You don’t throw citrus-tree food on a rose garden, and you don’t prune a tulip. Level-Headedness allows a Dom to accurately see who they are working with and apply the correct assortment of tools and techniques appropriate to that individual submissive.
7 ) A HAPPY NATUREA happy Dom will bring about great joy in their life with their submissive. This does not mean we cannot have bad days, but overall we must seek within ourselves a quality of life wherein we are generally happy, as this vibe will be passed along to our submissive, sometimes consciously, sometimes sub-consciously. The result is that the submissive will reflect that happy nature, and greater harmony is achieved within a D/s household overall.
8 ) INNER STRENGTHA Dom who begins to train a beloved slave will be tempted to “sell-out” and allow bad behavior in a slave to whom they have become attached. This is an event to be challenged from within the Dom themself. INNER STRENGTH means being able to maintain “professional distance” with a slave who exhibits bad behavior if only so far as to be able to gauge the situation accurately. INNER STRENGTH means applying the appropriate correction no matter how much you feel fondly for your slave. Without accurate correction for a transgression the Dom is in fact then Failing The Slave. This is especially common in Doms who fall in love with a slave. Love is eminently beautiful, but again if the Dom is TRUE to the very nature of Domination and the Responsibility they accepted when they took on the slave, the Dom MUST be able to stand back enough to be diligent in their duties to train the slave towards a higher state. Succumbing to any form of fear that the Dom might lose the slave or the slave’s love if the Dom holds themself up to their Responsibilities as a Dom is a complete failure of the D/s process. The INNER STRENGTH of a Dom prevents them from ever succumbing to such a fear. This does not mean we as Doms are not amenable to intelligent compromise when the compromise includes genuine satisfaction of a lesson needing to be learned by the slave, but even then we will be upholding the qualities of Responsibility and Diligence.
9 ) KNOW THYSELFA Dom must always seek to Know Themself, exactly as the Oracle of Delphi of Ancient Greece advised when asked to summarize all of her wisdom into a single sentence. It is only by way of Knowing Ourself that we will equally best come to know what we desire from our slave, where we desire to train her, and how we discover the living Art wherein we express our creativity into vibrant elegance upon the canvas of our submissive.
10 ) HONOR
Honor means the ability to act in the best interest of more than oneself, as well as the ability to truly represent the quality of loyalty. This loyalty can come in many forms – to oneself, to “the tribe,” to your slave, to your friends, to your family, etc – but in all cases it means acting in a way that is truly conducive to the health and well-being of those to whom you are loyal. At times it may mean putting their needs above your own, and often it means putting quality time and energy into those to whom you are loyal. The quality of HONOR also gets carried with you into everyday life, such as simple politeness with strangers, which is a good way to practice acting Honorably towards others. HONOR means being there for those to whom you are loyal, and for the slave it means that you, the Dom, will always act in a way that ultimately serves to protect the slave. You might take a slave to extremes of the flesh, heights of the spirit, and the far reaches of where they ever thought their mind could go, but through it all you will insure that you never intentionally engage in any behavior that is actually meant to cause real harm. To honor your slave means to convey to your slave that they are under your protective wing to whatever degree you have clearly accepted in regards to their training and their evolution as your pet / property / servant, etc
reposted from https://fetlife.com/users/40036/posts/1946134