Also another Disclaimer :) if you have any questions in regards to The Loft, talk to the owner "Lady_Leigh"! She is one of the many people that make such a difference ^_^
A long time ago, one of my friends said that "Having an orgasm is what touching the face of heaven feels like, for one body shattering moment in time, the all over feeling and shuddering of when an orgasm hits is what heaven will feel like for an eternity...pure bliss". I never really understood that concept until much later in my life...about ten years from when she said it.
I understand that concept today and for some reason I cannot shake these thoughts from my mind today. Ever since I got married, I have not returned to church, not even once...as sad as that sounds. Honestly I have never felt at home in any church I have been "a member of". There has been too many judgmental people, too many people that were cruel in other places but acted like perfect Christians on Sunday morning and Wednesday nights. People that alienated you at socials just because you didn't fit into their groups.
I was raised in church because that was how my parents were, raising me in a strict Christian, sexually repressing household. It was one of the reasons I have only been with one man. No church that I have ever been to, have I ever felt truly at home. The church I was raised in was filled with people that were 5 and 6 times my age, and then the church I transitioned to was full of "fake" acting people.
Over the years I have seen two leaders who I greatly respected excommunicated because they got a divorce, or had surgery and were out for an extended period of time. The preacher who officiated my wedding no longer has a job because he was out due to surgery.
These are just a few of the reasons I no longer go to church in a building. Don't get me wrong, I still feel like I am close to God, and I do pray almost daily, I try to watch "Elevation" church on television because I like how Steven Furtick preaches and I don't have to sit in this huge building with people I don't know and listen to something I may or may not be able to apply to my own life.
So...now that I have elaborated on my views of a "church" or my experiences with ones in my past. Well it seems that my Sundays have changed drastically now that I am an adult and living independently of my families. The majority of the Sundays now, my husband and I spend a lot of time at the Loft. A place where I have "touched face of heaven" now for many times that I can't count them anymore due to two very lovely people.
The Loft has become like a church to me, one where I am comfortable and accepted, one where I can touch the face of heaven multiple times. The door fee to me feels like a tithe. The fellowship I have had there has helped me heal more than anything. The friendships I have made have felt deeper than most of the superficial ones I have had in my past. The two people I have scened with have become like family, people who I would feel comfortable being in my most vulnerable state to.
I still have my faith :) I just have a new place to "worship". Just like a church is supposed to be, The Loft is a placed to grow, and learn, and experience. Luckily I have a very trusted mentor in Lady_Penelope7, and the wonderful owner Lady_Leigh of The Loft who have taught me so much. I look forward to my future "fellowships" because I feel like I will always have a home there.
Like the song "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails...is it wrong to feel like "fucking like an animal" has gotten me closer to God?
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