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Red Flags for Relationships (BDSM or Vanilla)

RED FLAGS!
Any one or two of these might be explained, but if you start to see a pattern, the things below are RED FLAGS for which to watch out. If anyone…...submissive, Dom, switch, or kinkster;
1) Tries to separate you from your friends, family or BDSM community. (Not allowing you to attend munches, or has nothing to say but bad things about anyone else in the community to which you might be talking, usually never having met them, only saying "they heard" something bad about them, for example.)
2) Avoids talking about personal details, gets mad when you ask about them, or quickly ends the conversation or answers questions with questions.
3) Has no BDSM references or friends to which you can talk.
4) Gets angry when you ask for references or ask around about them.
5) Is inconsistent with details about themselves.
6) Does not give you their home and work phone number at the appropriate time.
7) Only communicates with you at strange hours and gets mad if you try to contact them at other times.
8) Criticizes the BDSM community and refuses to participate, in Munches, demos, or parties, especially if they have never been part of the community.
9) Consistently breaks promises or lies.
10) Always finds excuses for not meeting in real life.
11) Repeatedly puts blame on others or makes excuses for things going wrong.
12) Does not take personal responsibility for things that happen.
13) Has bad relationships with most or all of their family members.
14) Pressures you into doing things you do not want to do.
15) Does not respect your limits, negotiations, or contracts.
16) Pushes you into a D/s relationship too fast.
17) Falls in love with you way too fast and swears undying love before even meeting you.
18) Hides behind their D/s authority and says that their authority should not be questioned.
19) Tries to make you feel guilty for not being good enough. Says that you are not a "True" sub.
20) Loses control of their emotions in arguments and regresses to yelling, name-calling and blame.
21) Puts you down in front of other people.
22) Turns instantly on their friends, going from best friend to arch enemy at the drop of a hat.
23) Treats you lovingly and respectfully one day and then harshly and accusingly the next.
24) Goes to great lengths to get revenge on people.
25) Lies, withholds information,Cheats on you, or is overly jealous.
26) Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like.
27) Tries to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship.
28) Does not respect your feelings, rights, or opinions.
29) Belittles your ideas.
30) Blames you for your hurt feelings.
31) Abuses alcohol or other drugs.
32) Is constantly asking for large amounts of money from you or others.
33) Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm.
34) Deliberately saying or doing things that result in getting themselves or others seriously hurt.
35) Monitors your communications (emails, phone calls, chats) with others.(FP note: I would add that this isn't okay without your consent. Some people consent, and then I think it is fine as long as the consent wasn't forced.)
36) Only interacts with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if role-playing.
37) Will not have normal everyday vanilla conversations.
38 Never shows you their human side. Is emotionless. Hides their vulnerability behind their D/s role.
39) Has multiple online identities for interacting with the same communities.
40) Disappears from communication for days or weeks at a time without explanation.
41) Is rude to public servants such as waitresses, cashiers and janitors.
42) Never says thank you, excuse me, or I am sorry to anyone.

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