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The Emotional Empath & Submission

Imagine if you felt what other people felt.
Imagine intuitively knowing where people come from.
Imagine seeing people for who they really are (whether they can see themselves or not).
Imagine seeing all the wolves dressed as sheep and sheep dressed as wolves.
Imagine if all your interactions with others were always on a much deeper level. Welcome to the life of an empath.

Empath is just a fancy, new-age way of saying a person who feels others’ emotions intensely. The phrase “that’s just the tip of the iceberg” is applicable because seemingly most people live on the big white icy part above the water. The empath is submerged in the 70% that hides below the surface (often not by choice). Without managing or realizing this, the power of other people’s emotions can be completely overwhelming and can quickly sink a ship.

On the surface, empaths will appear to be perfect submissives. They are creative. They are thinkers. They feel strongly. They are nurturers. They listen. They are giving. They are loyal. They have a difficult time saying “no.” They look out for the underdog. They need to be stimulated. Who wouldn’t want those qualities in potential submissives? But …(there’s always a but, right?)

They are often accused of over-thinking. They use the phrase “it just doesn’t feel right” all too often. They base decisions on emotion. Public places and people can be overwhelming. They distance themselves when other’s emotions get to be too much. They know when someone is being dishonest (especially with emotional dishonesty). They tend to gain extra weight as protection from the world. They are often worn out. They need to be alone often. They can be very hard to read.

Any intimate relationship can be difficult for the empath, but D/s relationships are particularly difficult for either side of the slash.

The submissive empath can read people (this goes way beyond intuition) including the Dominant. The submissive empath can see the weaknesses, the false bravado, the deceit, and anything else a Dominant tries to hide. It is best to not do that anyway, but with an empath it will immediately send up red flags. It will ultimately undermine any relationship he wishes to establish with the submissive empath.

The submissive empath, although very open to all kinds of people, cannot tolerate narcissism and overly egotistical people (again, because they can see through the fake exterior). The submissive empath will generally be drawn to more understated Dominants. This is the tricky part. A submissive empath cannot stand doing things they do not like (it’s too fake). Force is not a good thing to use as that causes bitterness. The submissive empath responds to feelings and desire when they are connected to a Dominant; therefore, even tasks they despise become desirable. The actions are based on a desire to please the Dominant, not to do the task which is why a more humble Dominant works better.

The submissive empath will have a difficult time talking about him/herself. A Dominant may notice deflection to avoid any questions that lead to a deep discussion or a “giving up” of too many details. It is plainly because they do not fully trust the Dominant yet. This will take time and patience—not force and not commands. As much as an empath values honesty, he/she will protect the innermost parts with half-truths and omissions (although they do not like either). Saying “look at me” can be positively painful to the submissive empath, causing feelings of vulnerability by maintaining eye contact with someone trying to learn his/her soul. The submissive empath will also be deeply inquisitive. If he/she has a feeling of intuition about something, he/she will continue to look for the deeper answer. Snow jobs don’t work, no matter how creative the Dominant thinks he/she is. Remember, the submissive empath FEELS the truth.

The submissive empath must feel completely safe. Some may argue that all subs need that, but this is that 70% of the iceberg. For most, safe means something along the lines of safe, sane, and consensual. For the submissive empath, safe means that the actions, words and feelings of the Dominant must meld together into a Celtic knot of safety. If the action (Let’s say, giving a task) is not accompanied by the right words (the words are negative or flippant), then the empath senses that the Dominant’s true feelings are being hidden and will feel emotionally vulnerable Even though he/she may complete the task, it will be with great trepidation.

The submissive empath cannot “fake it until they make it” because it feels dishonest. They may struggle with role play or with doing submissive tasks. They may appear to be defiant, but that is not the intent. There is no real submission for an empath unless they completely “buy in.” A submissive empath can comply, but without that intense “safe feeling” there will never be true submission.Also, do not expect the submissive empath to throw around the word “Sir” or “Master” as those titles are not for temporary relationships. This is not saying that a submissive empath cannot and will not engage in causal D/s play, but that is escape from emotions, rather than an opening up to them.

The submissive empath may unknowingly focus on someone else (or many others) in order to heal them. A Dominant may feel neglected by this behavior, but it is something that an empath cannot help. People are drawn to an empath and those people may very well be emotional leeches (which the Dominant may immediately recognize). The empath will steadfastly try to help them, despite how draining that person is. Telling an empath to stop goes against everything he/she feels and will lead to resentment or “I-could-have-saved-them” syndrome. It’s best to guide them to stop by appealing to gentle needs, not demands. If a Dominant demands it, the other person will be an “underdog” or “the victim” in the eyes of the empath and the emotional bond will still exist between him/her and the empath.

In summary, the submissive empath is a strange character requiring a steady, patient Dominant. Casual play time can be an escape from the feelings and emotions that pervade every part of the empath’s life, but to have a full D/s relationship with a submissive empath, a Dominant must be ready to be under an emotional microscope. (ohhhh, but it so worth it in the end! –so says the empath))

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