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BDSM and Trust

BDSM is a practice of handing over the care of your body to another, or someone else is giving control of their body to you. One of the things that many BDSM lovers say drew them to BDSM is that it is the ultimate experience of trust. When you are in a BDSM scene or in a relationship, you need to be able to both trust your partner and be trustworthy. Without that dynamic, you might not be able to create a safe relationship that is fulfilling to the both of you.

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Can You Trust Your Partner?
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When you’re first meeting a new partner, you need to make sure that you trust them. Many people you meet through friends are going to be more trustworthy than others, but when you meet someone who is a stranger, you will find that they are harder to judge. This is why it’s so important to have a few dates and conversations before you jump into the dungeon together. The more that you talk with each other, the more you will begin to see if you are a good fit and if you want to hand over the whip – or take the whip in your hand. Even when you get a strange feeling about someone else, listen to it. Much of the time that odd feeling that you can’t trust someone is valid.

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How to Establish Trust
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Once you’ve decided that someone else is worthy of trust, you will want to make sure that this is the case. You will want to begin by talking to each other outside of the bedroom. This will help you see if they are able to do things that you expect them to do. For example, if they say that they are going to be at a certain place at a certain time, they should be. Of course, this goes both ways. You also need to show that you are a trustworthy person. Listen to them to see if their stories make sense, if they are willing to share things with you, and whether they treat others well. When you take the time to get to know the other person, you will be able to more accurately measure their trustworthiness.

There is no ‘time’ when you should invite someone back to the bedroom. The biggest mistake most people make, is heading to the bedroom before they fully know and trust the other person. It can take weeks to months before you can trust someone and see that they are who they say they are. All Dom/sub horror stories start with people rushing into the bedroom. Remember if this is the right person for you, you will have a lifetime of bedroom fun together, so there is no need to rush it. Make sure you know that you can trust this person first.

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When Trust is Lost
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In the dungeon, trust is something that is implied, but that doesn’t mean everyone always plays fair. You need to make sure that when trust is lost in the bedroom that you take action to repair it or you find a new partner. For example, if a partner doesn’t stop when you use a safeword, you need to stop the scene and talk about why that happened. If they apologize and they never do it again, then it was a simple mistake. But if they continue to go beyond your limits, for example, then you need to make sure that you stop the relationship. For those in control, you need to make sure that your partner trusts you enough to tell you when enough is enough. If they don’t, you may want to ask them why they don’t trust you and how you can foster more trust.

BDSM is fun, but it’s also serious play. You need to make sure that you can hand over your body to someone else and that another person is comfortable giving over control to you. While they might seem as though they are having a good time, just as in any relationship, without trust, you don’t have a true partnership.

Regards,

Master Bishop

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