header social

Hard Limit - Kissing

Why of all things do I have kissing as a hard limit? I've been asked this with many a quizzical look in the last little bit of time. So let me try to explain:

Because its intimate. It's deep. It's emotional. It's consuming.

I don't mean the little cheek pecks everyone does as a part of a welcome or a goodbye. Those are fine. Even kissing my forehead is fine. Kissing anywhere else is fine. Just not my mouth.

I like kissing. Been told I'm good at it. But it's just too connective.

It's a sure fire way to get me hurt.

Do I want to kiss? To be kissed? Hell fucking yeah!

But I know I shouldn't. Therefore, I place it on my limit list.

Kissing makes me melt. A big strong guy kissing me. Taking a kiss from me... Makes me goo. I become a puddle. I lose myself. I lose myself to him.

I have a standard list of limits, and what stays and goes on that when I play with someone depends on that someone. My comfort level with that person and how I feel they are with it as well.

Example is gags. On my limit list. However, there is one person I've met recently that if and when we play, I would let him gag me. I'm comfortable with the idea of him gagging me. For everyone else: hard limit.

Comes down to trust.

So, sure there are people I would kiss. I want to kiss. I want to be kissed.

But with me and kissing, there's a responsibility.

Feeling a deep connection with me?
No doubt I want to be kissed?
Then kiss me.
But be prepared to be responsible.

theRedLife

Oh damn... what is one to do when a fetish meets a limit? lol

@theRedLife lol! That is a difficult thing!

theRedLife:

You know, sometimes... limits need to be pushed. ( although, they should always be respected )

@theRedLife very true Sir. And is why I am fine with kissing, as long as the other person knows without a shadow of a doubt I want to be kissed and he is willing to take responsibility for what comes after kissing me.

nullsum:

@Penelope7 I like this. It's always interesting what one finds as truly intimate. You are a wonderful writer and I enjoy your thoughts.

I believe kissing on the mouth is a hard limit for many of us. It's a completely intimate connection that should only be shared with those that deserve our ultimate trust. As to kissing being a "hard" vs "soft" limit therein lies the crux of the issue. Soft limits are often meant to be pushed, things we are timid about or want to try but may be afraid. Having a trusted top/dom/Sir or Ma'am push us to try those "soft" limits is expected. After such a push those soft limits then move to either the "okay - that was fun I'll do it again list" or they move to the "hard" limit list.

Hard limits are things that should not be pushed - thus the term "hard." That also being said there are times that limits have been put on the "hard" list because of an irresponsible top/dom who caused harm rather than hurt. I often share my story of a riding crop used as a cane without permission that left a mark on my thigh which last for an entire month! Without a doubt the next day canes and crops were on my hard limit don't even ask me about them list. It took a very caring and considerate Dom to help me overcome that fear of this toy and move it back to my okay to play list albeit I'm careful whom I would allow to play with me with such still to this day.

While I understand Penelope's point in writing this entry (very well as she is my sub and I take full responsibility for her and love her dearly) I do believe this writing needs some clarification.

For her kissing on the mouth is a hard limit unless discussed and approved. Subs are often sought out by predators, wannabees, and self proclaimed masters who are undeserving of trust and haven't earned the respect they may be demanding. These are the type who may push a kissing issue rather than respecting that limit. Kissing can make a sub completely vulnerable and in the wrong hands that is a serious problem. So yes while kissing may be considered a "soft" limit with an approved top or play partner, it may remain a "hard" limit for others.

As with any play or partner, negotiations are a must for both parties and respect for limits of both must also be honored. Tops/doms have limits as well and bottoms/subs must respect those limits just as they want their own limits respected.

When in doubt - ask but never assume.

 

kinkbnb

 

soaringeaglecard

studioentrance