header social

Responsibility

"I believe that when you are in a dominant position, in any aspect of life, that you have great responsibility to your subordinates. It is not an opportunity to "do whatever", but a requirement to lead, be supportive, nurture and encourage. That includes demanding that subordinates tell you what they are thinking and feeling about your leadership. A sincere critic, one that comes from a position of love and trust, is the best gift you can have. It helps keep your head out of your own ass; it helps you from believing your own hype; it keeps you from perceived consent violations."

"If there is open and honest communication both ways about needs and expectations, then people can decide whether they want to pay that price of admission. Whatever the stated requirement, once stated, then a decision can be made about whether to accept or walk -- the price having been clearly stated. Perhaps more walking, or opting out, should have been done, I can't speak to that, but it appears clear that the leader in this case did not have the best interests of his subordinates at heart, and that at a minimum he failed as a leader, and possibly at much more."

Excerpt from writing of DownLow on Fet - thank you for saying so eloquently what we always teach.  The Dominant is responsible while the submissive is in charge.  Anything less is abusive and non-consent or can lead down a path toward such abuses.

My Master!

by Regi-_S

Original Post

Although, known to many as “Master” Regi-, I have to confess that, after many years in a relation with one that I love, I have come to realize that I am indeed, the more submissive one! Now, I proudly admit it and wish to share this news with you!

We have a truly Dominant/submissive relationship, not unlike many of you. A friend told me about HIM, and that HE REALLY needed some help and a place to stay. HE didn’t work and because the folks, who owned the place HE was staying in, were moving, HE was either moving to the street or a shelter. Great start huh? I knew from what I was told that, HE was the type that was not very ambitious, expected attention on HIS time, controlling and could ultimately be in control of my life, but foolishly, like so many have done before, I thought that I would prevail and be the controlling one. (Like I said, “FOOLISHLY!”) As it goes when 2 Dominant forces meet, one eventually emerges as the stronger, more commanding of the attention. This time, HE would be the one.

Although hesitant to even consider seeing HIM at all, I did and from the first time I saw HIM, HE took my heart. It really was love at first sight! I also knew that HE needed me to take care of HIM. I, instantly pictured, and could not stop thinking about a long-term relation. I started to think about, whether my place would be big enough for both of us. What were HIS needs? What was required from me? Am I able to make HIM happy? These things have not stopped being my concerns.

HIS happiness and well being, in every aspect, are my main priorities, above anything else. I know who all HIS friends are. HE never goes to visit my friends with me and only knows the friends that have come to our home. I accept that and it does not bother me.

I do all the shopping for both of us, and of course HE does not like the same things I do. So I always have HIS list and my own. This does not bother me either.

If HE does need to go anywhere that requires scheduling, appointments, etc, I make them for HIM. I will even drive HIM to them. This does not bother me.

When I come home with groceries, HE may come to the door, but HE never offers to carry anything for me. Quite frankly, I'd be shocked if he did, it's just never been how he does things.

HE has so much unspoken control over me. Without question to my own comfort or convenience, I see to HIS needs first. I make sure HE is well fed. I put my own wants on the back burner for HIM. I rarely take vacations, out of town, because of HIM. Plus, he would not ever really want to go to anything, anywhere, I'm really interested in.

It has been more than ten years since we first met and I started to care for HIS needs. I have dedicated myself to HIM and I will hopefully continue to be able to care for HIM until the day HE dies. Why do I do these things?
Not because HE asks me to do any of this, (HE never has or does), but because I enjoy doing these for HIM!
And, every once in a while, when I'm not attending to HIS needs, watching TV, he may sit on the couch, and lean, just enough so I can feel HIM against me, I know, this is HIS way of telling me, HE loves me.

Once in a while HE falls asleep on HIS back, all spread eagle with a funny face, and it makes me smile. HE is so cute.

4 years later. Something is wrong. Mr. Boots is acting different. He’s snuggling up to me more than often. I can tell He wants to tell me something but doesn’t know how.

2 weeks later. Mr. Boots is vomiting after he eats now, but is not complaining. He just can’t keep food down. I think he needs to see the Dr. but getting him to the office is always a battle.

3 days later. I can see how He has lost weight. I don’t have any real choice, I call a friend to come help me get Mr. Boots to the Doctor’s office.

Waiting in the lobby to be seen is hell, if you are not in danger of dying now, you have to wait. Waiting for the doctor, in the exam room is even worse. But, finally the doctor comes in and starts his checkup. I tell him everything I noticed about it.

It’s not good. He’s dehydrated, malnourished, can’t keep food down. The Dr. says it’s bad and may have progressed too far. Medicine may be too late.

He is sent home, with saline for an IV that he has to have twice a day and some medication. He can only eat soft foods, like mashed potatoes, soup, pureed fruit or vegetables, etc. He is also given a couple cans of a baby food type product. Yummy!

OK, things are bad, and I’m scared. Things have progressed too far. The Dr. says it’s just the waiting now. There is nothing else to do.

He’s gone! My Master is gone. I don’t know what to do. I cry. I cry. I cry. I’m alone.

I Master Regi-, admit proudly to have been in the service of “Mister Boots”.
Even though I did all these things for HIM, the only thing I expected in return is that HE let me know HE loves me. Nothing more! And HE did. Over time, I grew accustomed to understanding what HIS grunts groans or meows mean. Especially when I had some kitty treats!

I Loved and Miss My Cat! Mister Boots!

Humbly yours,
Master Regi- Columbia, SC

Have some *FUCKING* manners.

The Blunt Rantings of an Overly Irritated Onlooker

Original Post (This was too good not to share - see original post for additional comments also).

WARNING I’m a rude cunt and I make no apologies.

I’ve been in the non-monogamous lifestyle for long enough to realize not many who state they are in this particular lifestyle, have “fucking” manners. And many who do not classify themselves as “Non-monogamous” or “swingers” (etc.) do not bother with learning the protocols or “rules” of the lifestyle they’re (literally) fucking with when the idea of fucking someone in said lifestyle sounds like a cool idea for a boring Saturday night.

Is it difficult to recognize a couple is made up of two parts?
To me, it isn’t. It’s really just simple math. One person in a relationship with one person = two persons. Preschool 101.

Perhaps I was one of the lucky few who had a mentor, someone who took time to show me the ropes and teach me the basics of how to engage in sexual adventures with one part of the couple. And factor in my opposable thumbs, higher reasoning, and common sense, I think I am a step up from the animalistic decision making skills of many I bump into. If your decision making skills resemble that of a spider monkey struggling with eating a banana (Que no opposable thumbs)– this post may be for you. Feel free to add on to the long list of “does anyone know what the fuck manners are today?”

Basically, what I’ve learned in this area is:

You cannot fuck one part and ignore the other part, without fucking them both – not in a good way either. Think “sand in the asshole with unwilling anal and seagulls picking out your eyeballs”. Pretty extreme? Yes. But having your life come to a halt because of one night with one skank/douche, is pretty extreme to the person left holding the bag of bad decisions and too many “if I only”s.
Of course, not all couples are made up of the same “rules”. Which leads me to believe it is even MORE important to have open and honest dialogue with both members of the relationship. Don’t get me wrong - at the end of the day, the onus is on the couple. That being said, when the naked cha-cha is about to go down, there are now three people who are responsible.

After a great deal of reading up on this topic, I see there are a few items which have been left to limbo.

Remember…

You are introducing yourself into the middle of THEIR (plural) lives. Act accordingly. You’ve been invited into someone’s lives – don’t go in like a bull in a china shop. You’re not there to break the fine china. (Personally, when I’ve been invited to join a couple, they have put their trust in me not to walk in, fuck shit up, and walk out. They have invited me to explore in a respectful manner… I take that respect seriously – SO SHOULD YOU. Do not be the cause for a break down in a relationship – it’s a fuck head thing to do.)

Bluntly, if you are a “booty call”, you are there for a short time, not a long time – don’t fuck shit up in the short time you’re there. Take it from someone who has fucked shit up in the short time she was there – it’s an asshole and naive move, not paying attention to everyone involved. The other partner may not be there, but you can still hurt them with your words and actions. Have respect for EVERYONE. Being a “booty call” isn’t the golden ticket to being a worthless cunt, void of responsibility.

If you’re there for a long time and not a short time. See above. Same rules apply. You’ve been invited into their lives, for more than a simple fuck. They clearly trust you and care for you, don’t be a cunt. Don’t meddle. Don’t try to inject yourself deeper into the relationship. Don’t intentionally set out to ruin. Simply put – you may be there for a long time, but your time is their time, spend it wisely.

Consent. Think of it as a scene you’re watching play out. You want to join in? You need consent. You need consent from EVERYONE involved. Not just the dude sitting on the edge of the bed holding his dick in his hand, or the woman leaning against the wall playing with her nips. You need explicit consent from everyone involved in that scene. Don’t want to ask? Keep your fucking pants on and move the fuck on. Simple enough for you? If you were at a club and did a naked cannon ball into the middle of a fuck fest, you’d get your ass thrown out. Why? Because you’re a douche and didn’t ask for permission. When you do this in a relationship – throwing yourself into the middle of a couple, you’re a fucking douche. (However, if you want to fuck my partner six ways from Sunday and we’re both on the same page – you’d be surprised what I’ll do to help you make that happen. I’ll build the catapult and launch you in there all naked, myself. And make sure I’ve stocked your favorite bevvy, snacks, and pre-made sandwiches for after… who doesn’t like a sandwich after? Trust me, after a few rounds with him, no sandwiches shall be made.)

Ignoring. Now that one tickles my temper like nothing else. When you walk past one partner, to speak to the other partner, without acknowledging they have a partner. Lifestyle or no lifestyle, event or grocery store. Where the fuck are your manners? How the hell have you made it in life like this? The only thing I can really say about this is – use your head. Honestly, brains are attractive, manners are attractive. Ignoring is an express lane to the “You are not fucking that” list.

(Almost done my rant)

This is really simple. COMMUNICATE, be aware, be kind, be considerate, be respectful, know your place and acknowledge this and them. (unless you’ve been invited into the relationship, you’re on the outside of one.) The couple will do what they can to protect their relationship – don’t fuck with that. You have no right to poke at it, pull on it, or push it.

FUCKING manners are needed. I almost have whiplash from the amount of times I’ve shook my head at the complete obliviousness I witness on a regular basis.

99% of a successful relationship will rest on the shoulders of those within that relationship. That 1% is on you… a lot of damage can be done with 1%. Don’t be a cunt who uses their 1% to do harm.

BLOG Entries

Powered by mod LCA